Tuesday, May 25, 2010

AHHH!!! Answers PLEASE!!!

So remember how I was debating about whether I wanted to date one of my friends or not. Well I've finally figured out my personal decision and honestly as of late the guy has become annoying. Like there has been an increase in text messages and facebook chatting, but seriously he seriously hasn't made any real effort to see me in person or talk to me verbally since he asked me if I wanted to be serious??? I told him let's go on another date and see where it goes .... you know the first few dates I thought were the hey, you wanna do this and since you happen to be my friend and a girl we'll call it a date, kinda dates, now I needed to kinda look at him from a different perspective ya know????
But my question is- he wants to become serious, and yet we've been within a couple of miles of each other and yet he's made no effort to see me face to face? How can you be serious with someone if you don't actually see each other for a few months? His interest is still there, and he still brings it up, but usually more in asking what I'd like to do and I told him to plan something, *be a man and actually plan the date- I didn't say this but I wanted to. But honestly now months later I'm just not feeling it.

I did actually see him this weekend. He actually helped me move some furniture from my old place to my new place. But there were 2 other guys over helping too, and really I wasn't to focused on any of them of them. And honestly, it kinda felt like a couple of them were both kinda doing the see how masculine and tough I can be. I'm trying to impress you thing. And then afterwards he texted me saying that he was would be there for ANYTHING and ANYTIME- Seriously those words were in caps in the text message.

So how do you break it off (when it's not even really on????) easily with someone you've been friends with forever, but that seems to have taken an intense interest in you of late and yet you still have only seen him in person like once since Thanksgiving? How is it possible for someone to be extremely interested in you, and yet, they still can't get around to planning a date? I honestly don't want to tell him by facebook or texting, because honestly, that would be a lot easier, but I think this guy needs to hear it to his face and I want to give him some pointers to save the next girl some trouble. Should I just basically plan a meeting/ DTR and just be honest with him or put up with the texting/ chatting until he finally gets a date together? And then after that just be honest with him? I'm leaning towards the later idea, but seriously he popped up on Sunday and asked me how church was and what our talks/ lessons were on. And I really didn't want to tell him- they were Repentence and ---- LOVE--- in Sacrament Meeting Class was on "Choose Ye this Day" and Joshua- and I've basically made the choice about him, and then the ultimate no topic with a guy you've decided your not interested in Pres. Uchtdorf's talk from Conference- "Happily Ever After". Those were not topics I wanted to chat about. So I just said Joshua and a talk given by Pres. Uchtdorf. It was the truth... sort of....

So yeah any advise would be helpful!


Carl and Tracey said...

Dee, just be honest from the very beginning and tell him how you feel in person. Maybe he's new to this all too and doesn't know how to plan a date. Guys are funny like that sometimes :) OR you could plan something simple like a picnic and tell him that you don't think this relationship will go anywhere (unless you actually do, then you can tell him you're not ready to be serious yet, but would like to get to know him more before making any committments). I went on like two real dates before Carl and I decided to be a couple. Between those two dates and the DTR, we just hung out together with each other's roommates and other friends. It's good to have a few dates on your own, but it's also good to just be in your comfortable element. Whatever your choice is, you can do it, Dee!

Anonymous said...

I agree, you should be honest from the get go. I've learned that girls would rather be let down easily (the second way you were planning), and guys are complete opposites. They would much prefer to hear it from the beginning. You are so kind to help him out by sharing WHY you aren't interested in dating him. Most people wouldn't give any explanation, and I find it VERY admirable that you are willing to save the next girl by giving him a few pointers. The thing to remember, it's not easy to change yourself. And if you feel overwhelmed by all the things you feel need to be worked on, then all of them go down the drain. I would take a look at the list you made on your blog, and then decide a few of the most important ones to discuss. If he can handle it, he will ask you to share more (NOT likely, especially since he only communicates through text and internet). But, that will make it less uncomfortable for you, and easier for him to hear just a few areas of concern. Hope that all made sense.

I am torn about what the above person says about planning something simple like a picnic. In many ways I say you don't need to waste your time planning something, when he isn't even willing to do so himself. Plus, if you've known him forever and never thought about him in any way other than as a friend, then you're never going to. It's kind of like what Amanda Bynes says in the movie "She's the Man". Duke really wants to go out with Olivia, and asks for Viola's (Amanda Bynes') help. She says, "Dude, she's had that option for like four years!" You've always had the option to date or figure out if you like him, but it's never come up until now. Why so sudden? Maybe you should ask him that. But another part of me says that if you make a simple plan and follow through with it, then he will see your example and maybe plan the next thing. He may be really nervous to plan something, and too chicken to make a larger move until you talk this through with him.

I know that this is just giving you more to stew about. I'm sorry it's not a straight answer. But, I can't choose what's best for you. YOU know what's best for you. Don't EVER feel bad about choosing what's best for you in a situation like this. I know that sometimes it can be so difficult because you want to make everyone happy, and you don't want to hurt his feelings. But, just like it says in 2 Nephi 2:11 there needs to opposition in all things. Sometimes we are placed in situations where we can't make everyone happy. In those situations you have to choose what is best for you, and what will make you happy. YOU are the one that has to live with yourself EVERYDAY.

To me it sounds as though if you dated him you would be settling. Don't settle, it's not worth it. Plus, sounds like you had a few other guys interested during your move. Why abort all other possibilities if just settling?

Good luck with your decision. Blog, and let us know what happens. Sorry my comments are so lengthy...

DangGina said...

He totally needs to man up; increasing text messages and writing on your wall on FB don't count as "dating" even if he wants them to. That's not a relationship.

Does he just not understand what dating is? I'd say since you've been friends for such a long time, you ought to maybe give him some pointers.

And if he's nothing but annoying, then I think your answer is staring you in the face; you dont' want to date someone who annoys you, it just ain't worth it!

Keep us posted with how it all goes down, yes?

Emmy said...

I say just tell him how you feel (if you haven't already). If he is becoming that annoying, it's a bad sign, and someone better for you will come along. :) Don't put up with stuff you don't like. That's what I always think.

Jenn said...

I agree with Gina. Texting and facebooking is not dating; if it was we would all be "dating" each other married and single. First I think you have to find out if you feel he is worth it meaning do you see potential in him. That doesn't mean necessary potential to get married tomorrow but that it could go for more than a few dates. Personally I would tell him that if he wants to be serious he needs to take you on real dates- 3PS- and "hanging out " is not dating. Next time he texts you or facebooks you don't answer or tell him if he wants to communicate with you he needs to talk to you. How do you know, you can have a conversation if you never do, that is my personal opinion. I am old-fashion but as long as you are making your self available, he should ask you out. It is the guy's job. You deserve to have a guy that respects you and I don't think he does if he won't take you out. Although what it comes down to is, is he worth it? Just a thought!