Wednesday, January 27, 2010

LOVE and LIFE (and no I'm not talking about my love life)

This post I actually started to write when I was in Arizona, but I moved home before I actually posted it. And I just found it so it kinda explains a little bit. There's a lot more to tell, but I'm working on some other posts with that.

So I've learned a lot about love and life the past week or so.
Honestly, I loved it down here in Mesa. But the reason I came down here I really didn't love.

I love working with kids, but I really don't enjoy teaching.
I've know it for a few semesters, originally I just thought that it was the class, the assignment, the teacher, whatever. I was running out of excuses, as to why I just wasn't excited to go to class or write a lesson plan, but I thought, well I'm close enough to graduating I'll muscle through the classes (which indeed were driving me me batty) and then I'd finish student teaching and then figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Just cause I do it in school doesn't mean I have to do it for the rest of my life. I have a scholarship covering my tuition, it's better to get something and be done for now than to start completely over. And I was doing a pretty good job faking it. Typically I got As and the lowest grade I got in any class was a B- and that one was unavoidable. Honestly on paper and even in performance I was a pretty good teacher. I love working with kids and there was nothing better than talking with them at lunch and after school.
But actually preparing for the lessons I procrastinated like it was doomsday.

And then I got down to Arizona and started student teaching. And I was with an amazing cooperating teacher. She's really organized and had files at the ready. But she seriously lived and breathed for her classroom. We had to be to the school by 7:15 am everyday and then we usually ended up leaving around 5pm.

And that was before I had to start teaching a ton of lessons.

And I knew going in that student teaching was going to be hard, but really it wasn't so much that it was hard so much as it just wasn't bringing me joy.

Like I can teach, and once I get a lesson figured out I'm set, it's just that I'm really not in Love with teaching and what goes with it.

There's a quote out there that says something like "Do something you love and you will never work a day in your life." And I've experienced this. But it wasn't in the classroom. In fact, it was at my summer job. I felt like I was getting paid to play. And I know that eventually I'm going to be doing more than just working one on one with the kids, but I found joy there.

And public education was just bringing me stress and not a whole lot of peace and I was spending more time motivating myself to plan the lessons than I was motivating the students to actually do the thing I was teaching. - Not a good sign when this is supposed to be your chosen occupation.

And after one very long weekend trying to motivate myself to actually prepare for the next day I started researching my options. Was I really going to have to continue to motivate myself and bribe myself everyday to do lesson planning or did I have another option.

I got in touch with some people up on campus and found out that it was possible that I could get a University Studies degree with an education minor and after a lot of phone calls and now a final visit that I'm in Idaho, I found out that I definately have enough credits to graduate and I think that it's more of what I want anyway. I wasn't planning on using the teaching degree so at least now I'm getting a degree that I can use NOW. It might not be as "fancy," but it's going to serve its purpose.

1 comment:

Stapley's said...

Thanks for the update! It's good to hear about your happenings. I'm glad that you abandoned course, and did something that you love. That is so important.

My student teaching experience has been SOOOO difficult. I have some of the most difficult students that have gone through the school, and everyday is a battle. So, I think it's wonderful that you didn't put yourself through 12 weeks of something you didn't like. That would be absolute torture, cause teaching is one of the hardest jobs out there.

Good luck!