Side note this is a post I started the weekend before Valentine's Day. So the details are actually not referring to last night anymore, but I don't want to have to rewrite everything!
So I don't know if it's the 2 hour drive home from Boise I had last night with a top 20 list of 70s love songs; or various discussions that I've had as of late including but not limited to "what are you looking for in your 'Mr. Right'" (also part of the Boise car ride) and my favorite- just because of the fact that this question was posed by a guy in the foyer after church among a group of socializing singles- "how do you you want to be proposed to?"
Throw in the whole post mission awkwardness and the sudden realization that I am in the dating game for real this time. Prior to my mission I always had in the back of my mind the thought of "Well, I know that I still need to serve a mission, so there really isn't a high probability of this date going anywhere beyond a few dates." Now (unfortunately???) it's not like that. Right after my mission a friend that I had gone on a date with just prior to my mission came home to IF from North Dakota and took me out the first week I was home and then a couple more times later on when he came back into town for my homecoming talk and then I just kinda started to well for lack of better terminology... internally freaked out. I realized that this guy was serious, HE DROVE HOME FROM NORTH DAKOTA 2X! and we had "gone out" 3X as well as an interesting experience where my parents invited him to join me and my extended family for my homecoming dinner (no other friends were there, I had just wanted family!) - and well I had been home for 3 weeks and well hadn't even thought about the guy in anything other than a friendly manner, and my parents were already planning on having him over for dinner etc. And I realized that I had never really seriously considered what I was specifically looking for in a significant other. Obviously, I needed the "basics"- Active in the church/ converted to the Gospel, RM or equivalent (life experiences leading to solid conversion) etc. However it was with this guy that I realized the he met these basics, (is it sad to say that many guys that I've gone on dates with in the past didn't meet the basic level?) and then I realized, well there obviously must be more to wanting to be with someone than those alone and being able to have a conversation with someone because here I am HYPERVENTILATING!
And I would have to say that somewhere up the ladder of church hierarchy where they make assignments for General Authorities to speak at firesides someone was inspired... I want to say President Monson makes these assignments, but I'm not positive! Because as I'm coming to terms with the fact that although this guy meets the basics for some reason I'm not seeing myself with him the way the rest of my family already is! Anyways--- Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy comes to speak at a YSA fireside in IF. Which was interesting because he had spoken in my mission while I was serving as well so apparently I need to fully hear and apply what he has to say. One of the topics that he discussed in his Q& A was about love. Both the Christlike kind that I'd learned so much about as a missionary and the romantic love that I was so perplexed about. And he talked about how "Falling in love" and how IT DOESN'T EXIST. We do not fall in love. We choose to love and be in "love" and that this develops over time and that it really is a decision that each of us makes. After serving with various companions I can definitely attest to this. Somethings kindness and love come easy, other times you have to learn how to love and choose to love.
Well I have so much more that I want to say, but I am going to have to pause and just post what I've got right now. I've taken a week hiatus already in this post and if I wait any longer its not going to make sense! Stay tuned though because this is just the tip of my relationship iceburg...