To date or not to date that is the question?

*To protect the innocent, names have been changed or just altogether left out of this blog.*

So I have a guy friend, who would like to be more than just a friend with me. And honestly, I can't bring myself to commit one way or the other.

And if circumstances were different I would probably feel differently about this whole situtation.

Honestly, we are close. We know a lot about each other and when we are together it's comfortable and easy to talk to him. And we have fun together. So on the good guy friend scale he's pretty high up there, which is where you would like someone who you're considering dating.

But see like any girl there are a few things that I'm kinda looking for, some are more important than others, but some in my opinion are really unnegtiable- unless there is a sincere and honest reason for why they didn't happen. And until he started asking me if I'd like to take it to the next level, I honestly didn't want to know/ feel it was really my right to know some of this stuff.
And I'm afraid that if I were to get into a relationship that I could fall into love. He does have some good qualities. But here are some of the reasons that I'm really not sure it would be a good idea to put myself into circumstances that could lead to something as eternal and binding as a sealing.

*he hasn't served a mission- from an old conversation I remember him saying medical reasons, but talking to a mutal friend it sounds like it was a matter of a few pounds that prevented him from serving. And I'm not judging but a matter of a few pounds to me, could later mean a few dollars later off of a full tithe or I came close to fulfilling a calling etc, but _______ prevented me. If you want something enough you will do everything you can to have it. Not to mention there's just the fact that guys generally grow and mature a lot on their missions.
Not to mention I still want to serve a mission myself when I have enough money to go and when the time feels right. -Now I think it would seem to much like I was running from this situation.

*Still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life- he graduated the same year as me so he's been out of school for nearly 5 yrs and tried school for about a school year I think and then flunked out when he couldn't decide what he wanted to do/ didn't put the needed effort in.

*When he quit school he moved back home and lives with his parents still and as far as I know doesn't plan on moving out anytime soon. He is trying to get back into school, but I'll believe it when it happens.

We still keep in touch, but communication is by texting and facebook chatting- Hello?? If you can't call a girl up on the phone, especially if you're considering a relationship there's a problem!
I know girls can be intimidating, but that's one of the risks you have to take.

And then there's the fact that the last time we spoke he was like did I ever tell you what my mom said after she met you? Quoting him: "She thought that you were so cute and that she decided that you and I were going to get married one day." And you know his mom is great, a real sweetheart, however I don't want him to use that as some kind of string to get my interest in some strange way? And maybe if the circumstances were different I could honestly consider it, like that's why this is so hard......

He still has potential. Like personality wise and he's way up there on the guy friend scale, and he is temple worthy, it's just the grown up, maturity scale that he's lacking.

And I've had some roommates say to at least date the guy and just work on developing that type of relationship in preparation for the future.

But at the same time I know that if I seriously were to become more commited there is interest that could lead to a lifetime of supporting a guy who still hasn't really figured things out for himself or prepared himself for life....

Would it be bad to give him some of these reasons. I told him that I wasn't sure that we hadn't dated enough for me to really to have even considered taking it to the next level. So we're going out again when he figures out some fanatstic "girlfriend winning over date" of some kind probably. So like after that date, when I'm sure this will come up, should I be honest and give him some of these reasons or just say, I'd just prefer to remain friends.

Cause honestly I think a lot of this, is changable. Even the mission part, it would take a lot of effort, but odds are he could still be able to go. And if he were to figure a lot of this stuff out, there's really wouldn't be a reason for me to worry about being in a relationship with him.

And if I tell him these things honestly, when he does find a girl who is SERIOUS about him, when he is SERIOUS about his own life and what he's doing, he'll actually be better prepared then???

The End of An Era

After 5 long years I have reached the end of my path at BYU-Idaho! I graduated on Saturday April 10, 2010.
So here are some statistics of my last few years.

Apartments:

Riviera 6- Fall 2005, Winter 2006, Fall 2006, and Winter 2007
Riviera 15-Fall 2007 and Winter 2008
Brooklyn 208- Summer 2008
Danbury Manor Apt. 4- Fall 2008
Mountain Pines 309- Winter 2009
Mountain Pines 110- Fall 2009
House in Arizona
Apartment in Idaho Falls Winter 2010

Roommates: Lizzie Anderson, Emily Anderson, Andrea Merrell (Roerig), Whitney Kriser, Erin Zane (Pitcher) Lorinda "Dori" Smith (Allred), Heather Moss, Mallory Douge, Abby Salmond, Jenna Trentman (Price), Ashley Willman (Greene), Maria Ricks, Abby Simpson (McGrew?), Allyn Harker, Kristie Muir (Kasperson), Jodi Goodwin, Marlene Nelson, Tracey Lockwood (Leder), Tiffany Bird "T-Bird", Elizabeth Field (Cowan), Kacia Field (Moser), Stacie Marquiss, Stacia Hullinger, Daisy Heiner (Hegstrom), Charisse Gardner, Katherine Fleming, Amy Benkenstein, Tori Dickson, Mikyla Powell, Annette Mickey, Hillary Kohler, Angela Richardson (Neilson), Bekah Pingel, Erin Bee, Jamie Harrington, Ashley Zollinger, Laura Denton, Elizabeth Lovell (Valentine), Heather Grant, and Hada Aroch.

Holy Snap!!! I've lived with 40 different girls!!! I actually didn't realize how many roommates I've had until I just counted them. And the majority of these fabulous girls can be seen in the pictures to the right!

Not to mention the friends/apartments that I've had that might as well have been roommates (you know who you are! there's not enough room to list everyone!)

Wards: BYU-Idaho 1st, 20th, 82nd, 6th, 19th as well as Eden Park in Mesa, and the IF 1st YSA Branch and the St. Leon 2nd YSA Branch.

More FHE siblings that I care to imagine and sadly more than I can count and probably name and numberless friends from classes and wards that I've been in.

18 credits- the most credits I took in a single semester
14 credits-the least amount of credits I took in a single semester

140 credits! Including 1 Associates Degree and 1 Bachelor's Degree!

I'm so happy I decided to walk for graduation! Originally I wasn't going to, but after I'm glad I did, it was a good conclusion to my time at BYU-Idaho.

I got to go to the Commencement Speaker with Elder Jay E. Jensen and I got to sit next to Heather Moss one of my favorite old roommates who might as well be a sister!

Here's a picture of us afterwards!







I was also lucky enough to have my parents come to the Commencment Address as well as the actual Convocation.





For Convocation I was emailed before hand and because my GPA was one the of top 5 in my major I was asked to take part in the program so I got to pick my part (O or C. Prayer, Scripture Reading a Talk or a Musical Number) so I chose the scripture reading because I figured it was the one I could mess up the least :D. The scripture was the theme of the ceremony which was D&C 88:118.

"And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom, seek learning, even by study and also by faith."


Happily my friend Crystal Johnson was also selected (she gave one of the talks) and we got to sit on the stand in the Hinckley together. And then because we helped we were the first people to walk across the stage and receive our diploma covers.

My cousin Danielle Kauer Anderson also graduated this semester with her Associates degree and we were in the same Convocation so we were able to get a picture afterwards.






One of my old roommates Maria Ricks also drove up from working in Jerome, ID to attend my convocation and she stayed with me Friday night and part of Saturday night.




I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to go to BYU-Idaho and for the friendships that I've formed and the blessings that I've received because of my experiences there. I've learned things there that I would never have had the opportunity to elsewhere.

I am very happy however to have reached the end of my time at BYU-I and I look forward to other adventures that I'll have in life after college!

The Perks of Being a Packrat!!

I tend to be a packrat when it comes to well everything... Although I've moved like what feels like a million times* in the last couple years. I still tend to be a packrat because you never know whe you might be in the mood to paint or read that one book or refer to that old assignment and if you don't take it with you you won't have it when you really do want or need it.
Needless to say I've keep a lot of stuff and hauled it around just in case. Well the same goes for some clothes that were my favorites!
Even if I outgrow *I refuse to say become to fat to wear* some favorite pieces of clothing I tend to stick them in the back of my closet (however once I started moving every semester I started to leave the outgrown clothes in my closet at my parent's house) as motivation so to speak to lose weight. Because some items are just to darn cute to part with! Cases in point these adorable items:




*Okay I may not have moved that many times, but needless to say I think I've moved a lot


Well I am happy to report that I am now again wearing those precious pieces of cloth!!! Which mind you I could fit in when I was 17/18/19 yrs old. The black and pink skirts I wore for High School and Seminary Graduations. And the Blue floral dress I had as a Freshman in college. So be impressed folks! I am back to the same sizes I was wearing five years ago!

Thanks to the fabulous diet/workout system that I've recenting been applying namely eating on the run! (yogurt, granola bars, string cheese, etc) in between working 8am-6pm 4 days a week, and singles activities starting at typically 7 pm like almost every night of the week (FHE, ward activities, Institute, etc) Family stuff and doing Pilates and/or Yoga once or twice a week. (And eliminating the stress of college (projects, lessons, tests, etc) and diet of a college student (quick, cheap, easy and reheatable) and of living at home(bigger and more frequent portions of food). I've been able to lose a few inches gain muscle and hopefully lose some actual weight.

The one sad thing is that now most of the cute clothes that I had from the majority of my college years are TOO BIG! Gosh darn! And although I am pulling some clothes out of the hopeful closet (aka the clothes that I saved), I'm actually having to buy some new clothes, and since I am actually making an okay.... correction.... rather amazing paycheck compared to the pre Bachelor's position I don't feel quite as guilty buying new clothes. It's not exactly helping me save for the future, but I figure it is an INVESTMENT, right? Can't attract a guy if I don't look cute! :o)

And speaking of new clothes- Mom and I are going shopping tomorrow (I have Monday's off) for my graduation gift- a new dress for graduation!!!

YSA= AA????

So I've decided that a YSA (Young Single Adult) branch is a lot like AA (alcoholic's annonymous). Think about it an AA meeting has people standing up and stating their name how long they've been part of the group, possibly where they come from, and the reason they're there.

Compare to a YSA get to know you activity- You end up standing up in front of a crowd and saying your name where you come from, maybe throw in that you're a Capricorn or a Leo or something like your favorite dessert or hobbie or interest, if your new to the branch state where you come from, and then basically admit (maybe not verbally) but just your attendence at the meeting confirms the fact that you are there because you suffer from the same weakness as everyone else at the meeting "I'm.... SINGLE!!" Curs-ed word in the Latter Day Saint world!!!

And although there definately is that feel in singles wards/branches. I really like the branch that I moved into. It's pretty small, but it's warm and friendly- not cruel and intimating and I didn't feel like fresh meat so to speak when I moved in. It's just like a group of friends getting together to talk about our Heavenly Father's plan. And unlike some wards/branches I've been in, I don't feel like a name on a role I feel like an important part of the branch/family and that the people there care about me. And I'm just happy to be there. And I admit, I am a girl and I suffer from crushes just like every girl on the planet, but I didn't feel like the whole focus of being there is to get me matched off and married.

That was until today! I had an appointment with my branch president and while I was there asked him about getting my endownments out. And basically I was told that if I wasn't getting married or going on a mission it wouldn't be an option for me. Based on my age basically I didn't meet the standard. Apparently this branch is a real stickler when it comes to this topic because even sisters approaching 30 typically aren't able to get theirs out because we'd make greater covenants and be held more responsible if we messed up! Well duh!!!! And I just wanted to say I know that. I just graduated from BYU-I, I was raised in a family that taught the importance of these covenants, it's not like I'm signing up for the newest fad. I just want to be able to gain more insight into my life. And honestly I feel like I should be going through, but he was set on the opinion that at my age I shouldn't be going through without the reason of mission or marriage.

And then the next thing he says and this is the thing that gets me the most- basically he said to try harder to get married. To pray about it and to do all I can to do so. And again I want to be like- are you kidding me? I just left BYU-I DO!

There's only so much single sisters can do!??!? Unless you like throw yourselves at the guys! Which I absoluately refuse to do!!! And I'm happy being single. Being single is not the plague! You can be a happy single person. And I don't really see why the blessings of the temple including endownments need to be dangled in front of us like a carrot!!! My pedigree chart says BIC- born in covenant, I went to Primary- I've sung "I Love to See the Temple" since I was a Sunbeam. I know how important getting married is and I look forward to the day that I can enter my Heavenly Father's house and be sealed for time and all eternity.

But I'm just kinda annoyed. It wasn't like I went in there asking for my recommend so that I could go to a friend's wedding or something! And honestly I'll be happy when I find the right guy, but I'm not just going to be rushing into marriage to get my endownments out. And I know that he doesn't want me to slip up and have to face the consequences, but honestly I've thought about it! I know the consequences! I just want to grow and gain more understanding!! And yes there are greater consequences if you mess up, but there are also greater blessing because of your worthiness!!

And it's not like I haven't considered the other options for receiving my endownments. I try to date as much as I can, but honestly, Mr. Right hasn't been in the right place yet. And I've wanted to go on a mission, but right now doesn't feel like the time I should be going, but I still desire the added blessings that come from recieving the blessings of the temple!

So sorry I know that he is a man called of God, and I didn't say any of this to him while I was there, basically because I don't want kicked out of the branch :) but still it feels like a double standard when an immature 19 yr old can get his endownments out to go on a mission (where hopefully he'll grow up) or an 18 yr old bride who has really no idea what life is like can get her endownments out to get married, but because I just want a greater understanding of my Father's plan and I feel ready to take that step because I feel the need for the growth in my personal life, I can't because I'm not old enough??? I'm as old as most of the YW leaders that are taking their Beehives and Mia Maids to do baptisms on the nights that I go! ERRGGG!!!

And what he said about preparing for marriage is true. And it is stuff that I will and am, and have been applying. I am praying for Mr. Right to find me and that he's making good choices so that we can be married in the temple and have an eternal family. And I'm trying to be the type of person I'd like to marry! But it just bothers me that he basically told me to get married if I want to get my endownments out anytime soon!!

Sorry I'm tired and frustrated and I'll repent over this tomorrow!!!

Now that I'm back

So I'm happy with my life. I really am. When I came back from Arizona I was confused. I had majored in education because I knew that I was supposed to be an influence for good in the life of children. And being as that there are at least 2 generations prior to me that were teachers I was pretty confident that was the route I was supposed to take if I wanted to work with kids. There was no way I was going to be a Child Development major- those classes sucked the life out of me!

And so I went 7 full semesters as an education major and was starting my 8th and final education semester as a student teacher and the impression came that I needed to be done with student teaching and that I needed to come back to Idaho. And it was hard to follow. I'd already made several friends down in AZ and I was in the middle of student teaching. I was just going to buck it up and finish what difference did 2 more months make, but the feeling kept coming. I needed to be done, that wasn't where I was needed. And although confused with the impression I was recieving, I looked into the option of not finishing student teaching and just getting a university studies degree. And I found out that I already had enough for it. So I decided that if that was what Heavenly Father wanted I'd move back.

Well I moved home and all of a sudden I was really grouchy and grumpy. I was happy to be back with my family close- my mom was THRILLED! but personally I felt like something was missing. I was so happy in my house in AZ, and now I was just hanging out in my parents' basement something I'd always promised myself I wouldn't do.
And I couldn't do it. I'm just to subborn, independent, whatever you want to call it to move back home and have my parents support me until I figured out what I wanted to do with myself.
So I called back to good ol' TLC and I was going to ask for my old job as a Developmental Therapist back until I figured out something more permenant, and at least this time I'd get a raise because of my degree. So I called and all I got was a voice mail box so I left a message asking if there were any job openings.
Well later that day I actually get a text from my cousin who works for the same company saying that she'd heard that there were some job openings, and not just as a DT. Would I be interested in working as a Lead Tech or a Developmental Specialist. I said possibly I'd need more details.
Well the next day I got a phone call from Lisa (my boss) and she had a couple of positions to offer me. Both had a ton more responsibility and one in particular much better pay and supervisory responsibility. And the one she thought would be most appropriate for me required a Bachelor's degree and based off of what she'd seen me do over the last few years she definately thought I was up to the job. I said I was definately interested, but I had to think about them because they both required a lot more paperwork/desk time and a lot less interaction with the kids. And coming back I figured I should just save as much money as I could in 8 months and head out on a mission come fall.

I thought about it over the weekend and felt like the Developmental Specialist position was what I was supposed to take. And by the next week I was hired as an Assistant Developmental Specialist. (basically the assistant just means that I do more of the paperwork and less of the management). But basically that means that my responsibilities require that I keep the files for the kids that come to our center current. I meet with their parents, administer SIB-R tests, (assesses developmental milestones), write IPP and PIPs basically states what a child needs to work on and how to teach them those skills. I also review the progress that the kids have made and then I fill out the formal paperwork to send to their parents. I also contact the clients schools, doctors, PTs, OTs, STs etc to get updated treatment plans or IEPs from each of these places.

And I've been back about a month now and I feel ever so blessed that I came back when I did. I still have to take a couple of tests with the state so I can be a certified Developmental Specialist, but now by the time my graduation rolls around I will have already taken one of the tests and be taking the class to take the next test. Which otherwise if the job hadn't been filled by the time I got back, I would have missed the cut off date for the class to take the test.

And now I'm a salaried employee and I work 4 ten hour days. And I make about double what I used to make in my old position.

Which thanks to that pay raise I decided I could afford to get an apartment. And I found one and a roommate and with rent and utilities I'm paying less than I was paying for a shared bedroom in Rexburg and I have my own room and a huge apartment.

Stay Tuned for Details

There is so much that I want to write, but sadly I don't have the time currently to write it. I will write an update as soon as I can, but I have to be responsible and go to bed so I can be to work by 8 tomorrow morning. And we know that when I write an entry it's like a novel! But I promise they are coming!

Watch this

wow! All I can say is wow!
You've got to watch this it definately gives you a lot to think about
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snAjZ8mfoYw